Grieving

Until today Emma has really been very easy going, not too phased by the lifestyle she was thrust into on Sunday. This morning though we see our sweet girl grieving. She woke up with some anxiety and lots of tears today. I am so sad for her breaking heart and yet thankful that she is able to grieve her lost 'normal'. Children thrive on routine, in my experience, but we have changed everything a child needs to feel secure...caregivers, diet, sleeping quarters, no more playmates, smells, touch, clothing, language, surroundings, sounds, etc etc, the list goes on to include almost everything in her whole life that has been familiar. As a mommy I just don't want her to cry because it means something is wrong...but I realized as I held her stiff body this morning that she needs to cry, needs to grieve, needs to let go of that which was familiar before she can fully accept us. Up until yesterday, she really would go to Justin and I equally, but I slowly see her preferring me and almost getting upset when I leave her vision..hard on both Justin and I but still good that she is making a distinction between people. Today she is crying and pushing away from me, but when I put her down she screams even harder...she doesn't know what she wants. She relaxes for a few seconds and then throws her head back as if to get as far away from me as possible, only to melt back into me.

We are still trying to figure out her diet also. Right now she is only drinking formula. If anyone out there knows or can figure out how many ounces of formula an 18 month should be drinking to get the right amount of calories...please tell! We are winging it. I did sneak some rice cereal and applesauce into her bottle today...which she took a little bit of. She doesn't actually suck the bottle, more like chews it, so we have cut the tops of her bottles so it comes more easily for her. Such a learning process, trying to figure out what it is she needs from us.

I have been reading and re-reading James, chapter 1, clinging to the fact that God promises wisdom when we ask. We need wisdom as healing takes place in Emma's little heart and to help her adjust to everything that is her new 'normal', and wisdom to know what to do in God's timing. Thanks for the continued prayers on her behalf.

We just have a down day today, which is nice since I don't think Emma was up for any social events or sightseeing. We ventured back down the street to the supermarket. It is a two story business almost like a Walmart back home, the floors are separated by moving ramps, like an escalator but flat, to get your cart up. Kids, you would love it! We went upstairs and found the baby isle, hoping to get some formula. I picked out what I had bought the other day and started walking away when three ladies (who worked there) all descended upon me and one of them grabbed the formula out of my hands. Turns out, you can't just take the item to the front counter to check out, you have to write down the item and the price on a little piece of paper (in Chinese of course) and then just hand the cashier the paper. I guess this is good because then no one handles your food...but you have to pay for upstairs things upstairs and then pay for things downstairs, downstairs. All in all, it is good these women only have one child because I can't imagine taking all of our kids to the store and then have to write down every item before I check out. That would take FOREVER!
We had needed a few other things but we a little scared out, trying to figure it all out..so we will have to go back and try again for some more applesauce. :) We also spotted some really cute towels/rags that would be great for her 'lovey' but not sure how to purchase those...without a translator..we'll see how brave we are feeling! I wish I was brave enough to take pictures there...but we are already a total spectacle, so I just can't bring myself to cause more attention to come my way. Maybe I will this afternoon, since we won't ever be going back there! :)

Thanks everyone, again, for the prayers and support, we are waiting until 3 pm tomorrow to check out of our hotel, receive Emma's passport, and then head to the airport for the (almost) last leg of the trip. We have more adoption appointments in the coming days in Guangzhou and then we spend one night in Hong Kong, before we fly to Japan, Seattle, and then Spokane. We rejoiced this morning when we realized that one week from right then, we would be home! What a blessed homecoming that will be...seeing the other kids and the rest of the family! Can't wait!

Much love to all!

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